Sleep

Another day I guess, I breezed over the latest terrorist headlines, and didnt feel any empathy or connection for anyone involved. I glanced at the fertilizer plant explosion story and felt a lot worse for those people. It doesnt make sense to me why there is more focus on a couple crazy terrorists with bombs, but at least they dont really have the connection with guns to use to for restricting gun ownership. That was possibly the worst episode of the daily show ever the other day, where jon stewart whined about guns for 30 mins. 

off to work..

Random update

Things are going ok. I was relieved to get a couple gaping holes in my teeth fixed from where old fillings had fallen out. It cost a lot though, since I missed the insurance deadline. First thing next year when I get insurance I'll go for crowns on my front teeth. I tried a new dentist, but didn't like him much. He pumped me full of epinephrine based anesthetic and that just messes me up for a while. My palms sweat, brain goes crazy, it sucks.

Oh well. Back to work, no plans for the weekend, just gotta wash my truck.

Sucky weekend / dreams

There wasn't a lot of work, so that was a slight relief. I told everyone I was taking Friday off. I get to spend the weekend dealing with my period, but should bounce back well on Monday.

Now that I think about work while relaxing at home other things I could do to prepare for the meeting Monday occur to me, maybe not too important, but everyone should probably have a plot plan printout, including me.

The engineer is doing ok. Part of me wishes he'd find a girlfriend, and part of me wants to hang out with him all the time. And yet another part of me is annoyed that I'm not immune to men.

I had some fun dreams. One was this underwater hidden island off the south coast of russia, anyway i was searching for it with maps and finally got on a plane that was headed there and it kind of crashed through the cold icy water into this sunny tropical island. It was a very odd place, but I've been there before in a dream, must have been a long time ago. Anyway, went exploring, the dream was a real trip.

The other dream was a recurring dream too. I had a part time night job at walmart. My mind was similarly just having loads of fun exploring walmart and the various aspects of my job and life there. It reminded me of ikea too, it wasnt quite walmart, but a jumble of places.

rainy saturday

it rained last night and this morning, feeling more like staying home until it is dry out i started sorting my music. took all the songs with swear words off my usb, now i can drive with my windows down and no one will be assaulted with *bleep bleep bleep* radiating from my truck.

i bought a small container of folger's decaf a month ago to see if it would go stale. now it is nearing empty and still tastes fresh, guess i'm switching to folgers 100% now. the gourmet flavored stuff is good, but folgers is more practical and no one will ever complain that it's not the right flavor. my mom hated hazelnut, my dad hated everything else.

nothing planned for easter, no day off either. my mom made fish on friday, i told her it made me feel all catholicky. she grew up around a lot of catholics in toronto.

anyway, work is going ok, got in 6 hours of overtime. the engineer says a lot of things off the top of his head, and he tells small lies like he is trying to keep in practice. it's kind of funny. it worries me how my manager is acting, like shielding me from the engineer. i guess i have to make a concetrated effort to talk to the engineer if i want to be his friend.

this and that

Haven't been talking to the engineer much, maybe I would if I wasn't super busy. Today I got approval to work overtime. I'm planning on working as many hours as possible. I got out and washed my truck yesterday in the cold after eating a 700 calorie sandwich for lunch. It was too cold, but might have helped alleviate the guilt. I spent the weekend eating high calorie junk food and watching movies with Static too. We watched The Hobit and Dune. I liked both movies, but The Hobit ended on a "to be continued.." note.

I really need to go to the dentist.. doesn't fit in with overtime though. I'll make an appointment tomorrow.

I started listening to my dubstep mp3s in my truck on my usb drive. It has me wishing I wasn't too lazy to screen out the songs with swear words. Dubstep is good driving music otherwise.

star trek

all star trek episodes on hulu are free for a week, and there's my entertainment for the week. not much going on, I went to the gym a couple times this week, they play music there, I always drown it out with my ipod, but I liked it better quiet. my truck's kind of dirty, but it's too cold outside to wash it. static drove it to the dump the other day, he bought me some gas to make up for borrowing it.

i got some health food. carrots and spinach. yum. also quit progesterone for a while, I'm just not convinced that it helps. or the stress neutralizes it.

work is ok. i'm as unstable as always, but I'm keeping track of my work and slowly getting used to the people and routines involved.  i forgot to set my alarm clock once, static was trying to watch dune and my mom was standing over him telling him to go away the whole time. i was just watching them and dune kind of in a stupor. then they left and i fell asleep and was having nice dreams when my mom came to find out why i wasn't getting up. i don't usually remember my dreams, my alarm clock must wake me up on the wrong end of any given sleep cycle.

Engineer

I talked to the engineer I like, and he told me about his messed up past. He seems like the kind of guy who means to get it right as much as most decent people, but is missing some key philosophical pointers, and has already screwed up enough to have lost hope for trying to be upright. He might even be a really bad guy, he said he's been divorced 3 times and is interested in a wild fling, and I find that believable, but kinda sucks for me since I was looking for a political workplace alliance, mainly to help me survive work. I'm not sure I trust relationships involving attraction, but I haven't really tested out a political alliance either. Maybe it is just a fantasy of mine that doesn't work in real life, which is how many of my ideas go.

I suppose I will try to tell him about what I'm thinking. I'm up for friendship, hanging out,  etc., but not sex. Most likely he'll find himself a girl to have a fling with and go back to ignoring me.

My manager hasn't talked to me all morning. Maybe I destroyed my reputation already by hanging out with this engineer yesterday after work.